1. Have a Designated Study/Homework Area

• Designate an area of your house or your child’s room as a homework/study area.
• This area should have a desk or table where your child can read or work.
• Provide a chair that is comfortable and appropriate for the height of the desk.
• Be sure that the area is well lit with lamp.
• Supplies (pens, paper, pencils, books) should be easy to reach.
• Make sure there is a dictionary appropriate to their age group AND a thesaurus available.

2. Make Time for Homework

• Let your children know that regardless of other activities (sports, music lessons, etc.) completing homework is a priority.
• If your schedule allows it, set a specific period of time afterschool when your children are doing homework or reading.
• Make yourself available for part of the time they are doing homework so that they can come to you for help if they don’t understand the material.

3. Remove Distractions

• The television should be off during homework time.
• Unless typing on the computer or doing online research is part of the assignment, the computer should also be turned off.

4. Check Assignments

• Have your child write down assignments in a small notebook designated ONLY for writing down homework assignments (one page per day) to keep this information organized.
• Check this list everyday for the first few days of school to make sure your child is writing down the assignments in a way that is easy to understand.
• Check the homework for completeness. If you can’t check homework everyday, then do it periodically.
• If they are doing homework on their own paper, make sure the assignment is written at the top of the page so there is no confusion as to what was supposed to be completed.

5. Give Praise

• Praise your son/daughter for good work.
• If there is room for improvement, praise them for what they did correctly and let them know how to improve it. Praise the work that comes back corrected.

6. Encourage Good Time Management

• Help your child manage their time when completing assignments as this will also keep you manage your personal and family time.  Some assignments are due the next day, while other assignments may not be due for several weeks. Review both lists. With long-term assignments, help them pace the work and understand the many steps and time involved for a completed assignment.
• Make it their responsibility for telling you what they need each week. Some assignments affect your time–an errand to the store for school supplies, or ingredients for a recipe they need to cook–so make sure you are aware of these needs so you aren’t caught off guard.

7. Set a Good Example

• Let your child see you reading books and newspapers.
• Let them see you using math skills to measure things in the house, balance your check book, or measure ingredients for a recipe.
• Let your children see you taking notes when you need them and point out to your child the importance of note-taking for classes, studying for tests, and every day activities.
• Go to museums, cultural events, and other activities together that foster learning.
• Take them to the public library and get a library card for them and yourself.
• Talk about school and learning activities in family conversations.
• Attend school functions when possible and get to know your child’s teachers and classmates and their parents.

After your child is done the homework, go the extra step.  Both of you should take a look at the next chapter of their textbook. If it’s a history or science book, you should have them read the major headings of the chapter to help them become familiar with what will be covered the next day in class.  If the subject is math, you should help them with a sample problem to help them understand the concept.  By giving your child this 1-on-1 time with a new lesson and helping them become familiar with new material in the comfort of their own home,  you are actually making it easier for them to learn the material in class. When the teacher covers the material the next day, not only will your child more readily absorb the material, they will be more confident in answering questions on the material.

Tips:

• Talk to your child about going to school. Tell them about what they will learn, that they will make friends, stories about when you went to school, and what they can expect to do all day.
• Visit the school and meet the teacher with your child so that they become familiar with the environment.
• Meet other parents and students, perhaps even schedule play dates.
• Get your child into a routine the week before school starts by making them go to bed and wake up like they would for a real school day.
• Have a practice school day. Lay out clothes the night before, make sure everything is in their book bag, pack a lunch, wake up early, and have your child do activities like they will do in school.
• Explain how you will pick them up from school and that they should never leave with a stranger.
• Get them excited about school and perhaps give your child something special to reward them for making it to their first day of school.
• Put a small reminder of home in their book bag in case they miss you (perhaps a picture of the family, not anything that can be considered a toy).
• Make sure that they know the basics for their grade level (shapes, letters, tying shoes, etc).

Discover More

• Get Ready for School: Preschool Checklist.
• Safety Mom: Let’s Get Ready For Kindergarten.
• American Academy of Pediatrics: Back to School Tips.
• Parenting Ideas: Tips for a Great First Day of School.
• Visit the K12Genie Back to School Store at Amazon.

Reconstruction is just one of the major decisions a woman with breast cancer faces. Many women confide that they also struggle with the decision of whether or not to tell their children about their cancer. Do I tell the children? When do I tell them? How do I tell them? How will the news affect them? These are all questions women with cancer have. Though not a child psychologist, I have been talking to breast reconstruction patients for over a decade. I am also the father of four children, and therefore have insight into these women’s concerns as well as how children think and what affects them.

The issue is complex and there is probably not one right or wrong way to speak to children about this very difficult and sensitive issue. This is probably true of most complicated family issues or circumstances especially those affecting the health of one or both parents. Most children can handle being told about a cancer diagnosis better than we think or give them credit for. Children are very perceptive. They will realize soon enough that something is wrong or different about Mom.

Children thrive on security and stability and feeling comfortable within the family. Sensing something is wrong and not understanding why could be more devastating to a child than the reality. The unknown would clearly lead to a greater heightening of fears instead of alleviating them. All the more reason for mothers to provide their children with first hand information in the same loving and caring way she always has. Hearing it directly from Mom also avoids any miscommunication or misinformation that may arise. And remember that no one knows your children better than you do and therefore only you truly know the best way to communicate this information to your children.

If you are a mother diagnosed with breast cancer, follow these tips when considering telling your children about you diagnosis:

1. Decide to have the conversation.

The first few words may not be perfect, but by beginning the conversation about your diagnosis, you take the very important first step in helping your children and yourself deal with your cancer. It doesn’t have to be perfect the first time. There will be many more chances as days pass for you to fine tune your message.

2. Gather your thoughts.

Confer with your spouse, minister, or school counselor to plan your approach. Take some time to prepare yourself, but try not to over think things. Trust your instincts. Just be yourself and speak naturally. Show emotion, even cry, but remain positive. Also decide if you would like to have someone there with you- your spouse or perhaps a grandparent- and pick your time carefully -not during a hectic part of the day or when you or your family may feel rushed.

3. Consider your child’s age and development.

Most child experts recommend speaking to children separately based on these factors. With pre-schoolers, be brief and keep things simple, talking about symptoms they may notice. Grade-school children often have a good understanding of the human body and a discussion about cancer cells versus normal cells is often a good place to start. Provide more details about your treatment.

Teenagers usually have a very good understanding about cancer, having seen other relatives or friends with a cancer diagnosis. It’s important to explain that there are many different types of cancers all with different prognoses. This group will have the most questions, show the most emotion, and need the most reassurance. With all age groups, be sure to stress to the children that it is nothing that they did that caused you to have cancer and that the cancer is not contagious.

4. Remember that this conversation is just the first of many dialogues you will have.

Realize that some conversations will be better than others. Don’t let the fear of not knowing the perfect thing to say prevent you from talking with your children. Speak to them frequently, being sure to tell them that your treatment and prognosis is an ongoing matter, and that you will keep them up to date. Encourage them to ask questions. Be honest with them.

5. Reach out to existing resources.

You aren’t the first mother to go through this issue. There are organizations to help you and your family. Some of them are listed below.

About the Author: Dr. Michael J. Lacqua completed his Plastic Surgery training at the University of Missouri, Kansas City before returning to his hometown of New York. He is the Chief, Division of Plastic Surgery, at Richmond University Medical Center, Staten Island, NY.

To help those of you dealing with this issue, here’s a list of additional resources:

Online Resources:

• American Cancer Society: The American Cancer Society is also reachable by phone, 24 hours a day, at 1-800-ACS-2345.
• Dana Farber Cancer Institute

Books:

• Another Morning: Voices of Truth and Hope from Mothers with Cancer by Linda Blachman; Seal Press CA, 2006; 334 pages
• Can I Still Kiss You?: Answering Your Children’s Questions About Cancer by Neil Russell; HCL, 2001; 100 pages
• Helping Your Children Cope with Your Cancer (Second Edition): A Guide for Parents and Families by Peter Van Dernoot and Madelyn Case; Hatherleigh Press, 2006; 176 pages
• Life and Loss: A Guide to Help Grieving Children by Linda Goldman; Taylor & Francis Group, Inc., 2nd Edition, 2000; 203 pages
• When a Parent Has Cancer : A Guide to Caring for Your Children by Wendy S. Harpham, Jonas Kulikauskas, Callahan; Harper Collins Publishers, 2004; 240 pages
• Lost & Found: A Kid’s Book for Living through Loss by Marc Gellman and Debbie Tilley; Harper Collins Publishers, 1999; 176 pages (Notes: for children 12 and up)
• Sammy’s Mommy Has Cancer by Sherry Kohlenberg, Lauri Crow; American Psychological Association, 1993; 32 pages (Notes: for children ages 3 to 8 years)